For as long as it lasts
by BellaRoko
Summary: One-shot. Jerrica is feeling down. She finds herself sitting back and contemplating her life, for a change. Dealing with her feelings for Rio and Riot makes it all even more complicated than it should be. Even after emotional breakdown, life goes on…


Disclaimer: I do not own Jem & the Holograms, nor any of the characters of this story. Jem & the Holograms is copyright of Sunbow Productions and Hasbro. No copyright infringement was intended.

**For as long as it lasts**

She looked around as she woke up, early in the morning. Everything seemed quiet in Starlight Mansion, which could only mean the girls were out. Maybe Kimber had taken them on some daily activity to the park. She didn't know, and this particular morning, she didn't care, either.

A wave of unwanted memories made its way into her still tired mind. Her body trembled just remembering the events from last night. A benefit concert, a dance floor, Rio and Riot in the same room, both asking her to dance, having to sneak out to change from Jerrica to Jem, and back, too many times. A total nightmare!

She was being selfish, she knew this too well. But feeling guilt wasn't going to mend any hearts, and even if she didn't want it, she was the one breaking them. She hated herself for having to lie to Rio all the time, but admittedly, she felt Riot would find her situation more graspable. For how long could she keep this charade? She would end it right there, right at that moment, if she could. What was stopping her? The humorous burlesque was no longer a game but a deadly knife pending over her throat, and she was willing to let go, let the knife cut her deep. Anything to make it stop, ease the pain, kill the uncertainty, be normal again…

Exasperation was slowly taking over. She lightly stroke her star shaped earrings remembering her father's wishes. He passed away before he could tell her about Synergy, and she resented that. He left her alone with this terrible secret, to take full responsibility for Starlight Music, Starlight House, her younger sister, and Synergy. It didn't feel fair at all. She would have wanted a little guidance, a little support. She never had any of those things, not from her father, nor from anyone else, for that matter.

Her earrings were starting to feel heavy in her ears. In a sudden, wild movement she took them off and throw them to the other side of the room where they hit the wall and landed on the carpeted floor. She stared, for a moment, with raging eyes, and then turned her back at them.  
Surely Synergy felt it, but didn't show up. She knew better than to think Jerrica was giving up on everything her father left her. She knew she was simply having a moment of weakness, so she gave her that moment with no hesitation.

Hugging her pillow, Jerrica shut her eyes to keep from yelping, but couldn't stop the tears streaming down like heavy drops of rain on her face. Who was she? Or more importantly, who did she wanted to be? The nice, gentle country girl trying to make her way through the music industry, or the popular, everybody's dream come true, rock star? Why was Rio so hooked up on Jem, all of a sudden? She was angry at him for that. But can she really blame him for being attracted to her alter ego? Could she _be_ that thick?  
And where did Riot fit in all the equations? She _did_ have kind of a crush on him. Even with all his glamorous, egotistical attitude, she liked him, and he seemed like a perfect match for Jem. She desperately wanted to stop lying to them. She knew she would have to tell the truth sooner or later, because, most of all, she wanted to be true to herself, even if it meant loosing them both. She will, someday.

The sun was making its way up, shining its first rays into the room, and Jerrica felt the warmth of the light over her cheeks. She quickly wiped away the tears and got up from bed. The bathroom floor was hard and cold under her feet but gave her a sense of stability. She could go back to being her old self now. But as she looked into the mirror she felt incomplete. She went back to the room and bent over to grab her star shaped earrings. They were small in her hand, but once she put them back on, she felt they were a part of herself, like they belonged there. They _did_ belong there, she realized. This was who she was, who she was meant to be. She'd take it all, and make the best out of it, for as long as it lasts…


End file.
